I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
