that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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