I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
