Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
