we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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