I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
