I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
