he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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