Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
