I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
