I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
