two words: eviction party
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
