I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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