So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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