So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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