i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
