you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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