i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
