I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
