I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
