one might say we're banned from that church
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
