where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
