Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
