i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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