tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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