His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hippo gnu deer
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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