Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So many bounce houses so little time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
