i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
