My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
