I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize