You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
