On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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