i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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