well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
