I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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