Please, let me fuck your mom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
soo... how was my night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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