I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
