stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
