I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
True strength comes from lack of pants
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
