Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
