I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
