My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize