...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
