? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
