sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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