piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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