Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
