I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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