I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
