jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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