then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
