Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
