You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
