Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize