Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
