I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize