She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
