guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
