That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
