I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
