Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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