i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
