The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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