I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
