I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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