I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
