Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
