So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
