But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
