Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize