I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why did my mother make you get naked?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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