WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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