I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
