There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
