I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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