Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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