you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
