You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize