We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
