I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize