im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
