I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
