i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
