i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
