you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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