Banned from zoo.
Again?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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