my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize