He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
