he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sober January is a disaster.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
