i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
